Basic Training Phone Call Tips
Hearing from your soldier for the first time is very emotional. To me, it felt like years since I had heard his voice (it had been a day). I was a little dramatic, but nonetheless I was ecstatic to hear from him. I want to share some of the things I have experienced on our phone calls and some tips on how to make the most of the time you have with them during the call.
In my experience, all of the phone calls I had with my husband were about 30 minutes long. There were a couple of times where he got 45 minutes. So, don’t expect to have a super long conversation with them.
Tip 1: Don’t Write EVERYTHING in Your Letters
I quickly learned that if I wrote everything I wanted to say in my letters, I didn’t have much to say on the phone. I made a note in my phone of things I wanted to talk about when he called. It could be something that happened at work or things I wanted to discuss with him regarding life in general. That way I always had something to talk about.
Tip 2: Do Your Best to Control Your Emotions
I can 100% say that there were several phone calls where I could not hold back tears. I give this tip because it is just as hard on your soldier as it is for you. Now, I don’t want you to suppress your emotions and/or not share them with your soldier, but they need you to be strong for them.
Personal Experience: I remember getting my weekly phone call from my husband and I had just had a horrible week and was upset that I didn’t have him there with me. I answered and just started crying. He let me talk through it with him, but it took up so much of our time. I apologized for being so upset and he assured me it was okay, but he let me know that it’s hard for him to hear me so upset. He told me that it takes a toll on him to know that I am struggling too.
So, do your best to control your emotions when you get on that phone. They are excited to call you and hear from you. My husband calls it his “weekly reset”. This is where tip 1 comes in. Having a list of things to talk about helps move away from sad thoughts and more towards exciting conversation starters.
Tip 3: Listen to Your Soldier
It is easy to get carried away with your thoughts while on the phone with your soldier. I often found myself thinking about what to say next, trying to remember a question, or half listening and half focusing on what I was doing when he called. My husband loved sharing what he did that week, and I was eagerly excited to listen. I am one of those people who want to learn and know what he is training for and training to do. Don’t get me wrong, what you are doing in your life is just as important. But if you are the main person your soldier is calling it is really important to listen to what they have to say. I usually summarized our conversation for the family because he doesn’t have time to call everyone. Usually, he was excited to tell me what he ate, how the field days went, or how well he shot.
This is where tip 2 comes in handy. Don’t dwell on the sadness or how long until you see them. Listen to how excited they are about what they are doing. Listen to the rant they might have about a certain Drill Seargent. Take it all in.
Tip 4: ALWAYS Carry Headphones/Earpods
This tip is SOOO important. I never knew when my husband would call. I knew it was going to be a Sunday (that is designated phone time day). I got calls anywhere from 2pm to 8pm. I always had to be ready. I don’t know about you, but for me, Sundays are a reset. I do my laundry, grocery shopping, meal prepping, and house cleaning. If I left the house, I made sure I had my airpods with me. I've been in Walmart, the laundromat, restaurants, and a friend's house when he has called. It was such a lifesaver to have my headphones. It was easier to hear him, I didn’t have to worry about holding my phone, and I could multitask. Even when I have been at my house, I use my headphones. I just find it easier to not have to hold my phone and I can always hear him so much better.
Tip 5: Don’t Worry About Where You Are or What You Are Doing
This tip ties in with tip 4. It is easier to not worry about where you are or what you're doing when you have the ability to put in headphones. My husband told me multiple times he was worried he was interrupting something I was doing and/or I wasn’t going to pick up. Of course, I told him he will never be interrupting and that I will always answer. Do not feel ashamed to pick the phone up when your soldier calls. Like I said in tip 4, I have been in a lot of places when my phone has rung.
Personal Experience: I was out to lunch with my best friend Macy. The last couple of Sundays my husband had been calling around 4-6pm. When Macy and I sat down for lunch at about 1pm, my phone rang. If you read “The Phone Call I Wish I Had Been Ready For” then you know that Macy has been with me during the thick of it. She understood that I was going to take that phone call no matter what. She ate her lunch, pretty much by herself, as my husband and I talked on the phone. When our time was up, I hung up, looked at Macy and apologized that he had called during lunch. She looked me dead in the eye and told me to never apologize for that again.
So, don’t worry about where you are or what you are doing. That 30 minutes is precious, so don’t worry.
Tip 6: What to Say and What Not to Say
This tip ties into tip 2. You want to make sure to keep the conversation encouraging. You are your soldier's number 1 supporter. Remember, like I said earlier, this is just as hard for them as it is for us. I refer to us supporters as “rocks” because I truly believe if it wasn’t for us our soldier wouldn’t have the strength.
DON’T talk about how awful this has been for you. That isn’t beneficial to either of you. Dwelling on the time apart and how much you are struggling without them is not encouraging. They are struggling too. You aren’t eating a MRE every day, or rucking 12 miles, so I can guarantee that us “rocks” don’t have it that hard. DON’T talk about how you wish they hadn’t made this choice. We are here to support. We are here to tell them how proud we are of them. Maybe you don’t agree with the decision, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t the best decision for them. When my husband landed in Georgia, he texted me and told me that he asked himself several times if he made the right decision and his answer was yes. As long as the decision is one they are confident in, there is no reason for you to question it. DON’T tear them down...they have Drill Seargent's for that. Again, we are supporters. They hear enough bullshit from their Drill Sergeants. They want to hear a happy and uplifting voice when they call.
DO tell them how proud of them you are. They may respond with “yeah, I know” or just a simple “thanks”, but it means more than you think. DO tell them you love them. I don’t care how you know or are related to the soldier...TELL THEM. Trust me, they aren't hearing it from their Drill Sergeant’s. And I know that some soldiers have never heard it. If you are the one receiving a phone call, tell them. They chose you to call for 30 minutes. They chose to hear your voice and talk to you. Let them know that they are loved. DO share a laugh. I made it a point to always have something funny to tell my husband when he called. Their weeks are tough, and laughter is the best medicine.
I hope these tips help. You are a rock, and you are not alone.
